The German definitely made herself known this week, first spreading as a lovely red tattoo across Julie’s body and then settling into her gut, where she poked around, literally pushing the poo out of the Badass Panda Queen. This is all typical Graft vs. Host Disease (something we’ve been expecting), and we’ve been told that the acute version of this can be prevented from becoming chronic by treating it early and aggressively.
Julie was admitted at the Dartmouth-Hitchcock Hilton Wednesday and at this very minute we’re waiting for a colonoscopy that was first supposed to happen yesterday, then this morning, but finally… Not quite now. Soon, maybe..?
You notice things when you occupy spaces like this for too long (too long can be defined here as ‘at all’). Dynamics between roles and staff members, processes you believe can be tightened up, and missed opportunities.
Nursing staff and floor docs are wonderful, but when new people come through a door, they probably should introduce themselves instead of launching into the sorts of medications you’ll be on during a colonoscopy you heard about five minutes ago (as an example).
Docs – even very gifted docs – should not use the phrase, “but I take a different perspective” when discussing treatment plans. We love everyone, but medical staff (like the priestly class) need to stay consistent, read from the same book and speak with a single voice.
(Perspectives have a bad reputation for being subjective.)
All door screeners and hall cops should, likewise, be getting information from the same post-it note so enraged husbands don’t begin casing buildings for easy entry points when they’re told there are no visitors allowed on the grounds.
(Visitors were allowed on the grounds – obviously – but lord knows how many people had to leave loved ones getting very serious news because a game of telephone went wrong.)
Showers need curtains or they’re just very tall messy sinks.
A different truth may reveal itself to the primate husband, but testing to confirm the obvious seems like a waste of time. Similarly, just because someone is your prisoner, please don’t force them to fast for more than one day for a colonoscopy they probably don’t need.
Commodes should have an even number of legs of roughly the same length.
Donor cells given out of love should behave and not have temper tantrums in the body of the world’s cutest badass. We are grateful that you’ve shown up, now clean up in isle nine (as Randy’s buddy Sandy Rudman used to say). We’re all on the same team – but let’s move this thing along and get back to a beautiful life.